My name is Sydney and I can't stop thinking about ninjas. I wrote this story about a not-so-ninja, and it kind of gets worse as it goes on.
GREAT TO KNOW MY COMPUTER KNOWS HOW TO SPELL HOE BAG.
THE RISE AND FALL OF HOLLINGSWORTH THE NOT-SO-NINJA
a short story by Sydney Danger Christ
Once upon a time there was a young ninja who was named Hollingsworth. This was because he really wasn't a ninja but the lovechild of Winston Churchill and some Japanese slut. They called these Japanese sluts geishas because that's the sound they'd make when amazed by the immense size and power of European submarines that were dragged into the harbors by Godzilla.
Hollingsworth was an outcast from the start. His heritage leant him no help. It fucking sucked to be 1/2 Japanese because Rivers Cuomo wouldn't be famous for another 80 years or so. Even if Rivers was around at the time it wouldn't have mattered because Hollingsworth was not a girl and even though Rivers looks like he would be into guys he lusts after (half-Japanese) pussy.
The nature of Hollingsworth lead him to natural world that surrounded him - trees and squirrels and those kinds of natural things. Oh how Hollingsworth adored the cherry blossoms so delicate, how he yearned to be the swan that perused the pond (actually it was a plastic kiddy pool, the swan was really a dead leaf covered in bird shit.) He enjoyed nature of the potted variety as well. His hoe bag mom would care for tiny bonsai trees when not out fucking men or robots (in Japan you can never tell.) Hollingsworth wanted dearly a bonsai but needed a friend too. Talking to a tree didn't really qualify as social interaction, although Charlie Brown might disagree. So Hollingsworth decided to take to the art of shaping kittens in elaborate glass bottles instead. In his right hand were a pair of shears, the left a supple baby cat. It screamed as Hollingsworth snip snip snipped away, a clip here and a bigger slice here. Finally he had mastered the art of one-handed origami while holding a rare Ethiopian Screech Kitten (screamus alottomus felinex) in the other hand (he had actually invented this)! Hollingsworth liked this a lot, he liked how it combined aural and visual and oral (a portion of cucumber roll is to be held in the mouth during the process as well) senses into one zen-like harmonious piece of active mixed media. In fact he liked it so much he totally forgot about kitten bonsai and took to his new art form instead, despite protest from the PET,A (Paperical Ethics Team, of Asinyaki)
His unusual and controversial art form proved to be his claim to fame and Hollingsworth lived contently for a lot of days until he died from a lethal papercut. Investigation later pointed blame to a radical terrorist sect of the PET,A.